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Experiencing rejection, notably when it occurs frequently, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is declining your work, delivering a firm “Not interested.” As a writer, I am well acquainted with rejection. I began proposing articles 50 years back, just after finishing university. Since then, I have had several works turned down, along with book ideas and numerous essays. In the last 20 years, concentrating on commentary, the refusals have multiplied. Regularly, I face a setback multiple times weekly—adding up to over 100 times a year. Cumulatively, rejections over my career run into thousands. Today, I might as well have a PhD in rejection.

So, does this seem like a woe-is-me outburst? Not at all. Since, now, at the age of 73, I have accepted being turned down.

By What Means Have I Accomplished It?

For perspective: At this point, nearly every person and others has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

For example: not long ago, a publication turned down 20 pieces consecutively before approving one. In 2016, at least 50 editors declined my book idea before one approved it. A few years later, 25 representatives passed on a book pitch. An editor even asked that I submit potential guest essays less frequently.

The Seven Stages of Setback

In my 20s, each denial stung. It felt like a personal affront. It seemed like my writing being rejected, but who I am.

Right after a piece was rejected, I would start the “seven stages of rejection”:

• First, shock. How could this happen? Why would they be ignore my talent?
• Next, denial. Surely you’ve rejected the mistake? It has to be an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What do any of you know? Who appointed you to hand down rulings on my efforts? It’s nonsense and the magazine stinks. I deny your no.
• Fourth, anger at them, then self-blame. Why do I put myself through this? Am I a glutton for punishment?
• Subsequently, pleading (preferably mixed with delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a exceptional creator?
• Sixth, depression. I’m no good. Additionally, I can never become successful.

I experienced this for decades.

Excellent Examples

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of writers whose manuscripts was at first rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. The writer of Dubliners. The novelist of Lolita. The author of Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was originally turned down. If they could overcome rejection, then maybe I could, too. The basketball legend was not selected for his high school basketball team. Most Presidents over the past six decades had been defeated in races. The filmmaker says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were turned down repeatedly. For him, denial as a wake-up call to motivate me and keep moving, rather than retreat,” he remarked.

The Seventh Stage

Later, when I entered my 60s and 70s, I entered the seventh stage of setback. Acceptance. Today, I grasp the various causes why an editor says no. Firstly, an editor may have already featured a similar piece, or have something underway, or simply be thinking about something along the same lines for another contributor.

Or, more discouragingly, my submission is of limited interest. Or maybe the editor believes I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the work I am offering. Or didn’t focus and scanned my piece hastily to appreciate its quality.

You can call it an epiphany. Any work can be turned down, and for numerous reasons, and there is almost nothing you can do about it. Certain reasons for rejection are permanently not up to you.

Within Control

Some aspects are within it. Admittedly, my pitches and submissions may occasionally be flawed. They may lack relevance and impact, or the idea I am attempting to convey is not compelling enough. Alternatively I’m being obviously derivative. Maybe an aspect about my punctuation, notably dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, despite all my years of exertion and rejection, I have achieved published in many places. I’ve written multiple works—my first when I was middle-aged, my second, a memoir, at older—and in excess of numerous essays. Those pieces have featured in newspapers major and minor, in regional, worldwide platforms. My debut commentary ran in my twenties—and I have now contributed to that publication for five decades.

Yet, no major hits, no author events publicly, no features on talk shows, no presentations, no honors, no big awards, no Nobel Prize, and no national honor. But I can more easily handle no at 73, because my, humble successes have softened the blows of my many rejections. I can choose to be thoughtful about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be instructive, but only if you heed what it’s trying to teach. If not, you will almost certainly just keep interpreting no’s incorrectly. What insights have I gained?

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